Scooter Joy

I woke up to a sky of robins egg blue. 

 "That's it, I'm riding the scooter today!" 

The thing is, in winter a cloudless sky means cold temps.  A sunny day in Corbett means wind.  After dressing myself up in several layers I headed out the door.  Only I couldn't find my glasses.  They aren't just any old sun glasses.  The fit my face perfectly and they have these awesome yellow tinted lenses that block ALL glare and sun.  I wear them indoors sometimes because flourescent lights hurt my eyes.  I had a pair of these that Nick received as a sample from a vendor.  They are the most perfect sunglasses I have ever owned. 

I dropped them one day at the airport and someone picked them up within minutes and claimed them for their own. 

Dang. 

 This past summer Nick insisted on stopping by his clients in gresham to buy me another pair.  It was really important to him and it took a lot of effort.  I knew at the time that this was a big moment.  That he wanted to do this for me because- as he said many times last year- he could.  We purchased the $185.00 sunglasses and I felt loved.  So this morning when I couldn't find them anywhere, I panicked. My brother Kenny is here and he saved the day by loaning a pair of tinted safety glasses he owns.  They worked fairly well, but my heart was heavy.  I can't expalin the sentimental value my glasses have for me.  They are a symbol of Nick's love and just how he cared for us in so many quiet ways.  To lose them felt like losing part of Nick. I had to leave for work and couldn't look any further-so off I went in the substitute pair.

I. freaking. love. my. scooter. 

The cool thing about Nick was that he loved it for me.  Every morning he would stand outside the front of the house and watch me ride away.  Smiling, making some comment about his 'hot wife'  : ) 

I would always call Nick when I got to the airport to let him know I arrived safely and I would tell him about my ride- what I saw- how good the river smelled, all of it

. 

Halfway there today I realized, he wasn't there to call.

Today or ever.

I cried most of the way in. 

 I enjoyed the ride on this beautiful morning(Thank you God) but it was bittersweet.  Much like the beautiful blue sky that comes with the price of the very cold air, and the sunny day, tempered by the east wind.  Beauty and sadness filled my heart on this day.

I got home, parked it in the garage, hopeful that many more scooter days are in store this summer.   Tonight I said 'Nick, if you can hear me up there, tell me where those glasses are'.  I found them.

My beauty.  Thank you dear husband.

farewell to our golden Dixie

We had to say goodbye to our beloved golden retriever Dixie, this morning at 3:30 AM

She became suddenly ill and we took her at midnite to Dove Lewis Emergency Animal Hospital. They discovered she had cancer, and the tumor was bleeding out into her abdomen. We were shocked as we thought it was nothing more than bad indigestion, because Dixie- like most golden retrievers- liked to eat horrible, nasty, unmentionable things that made her ill.

We never imagined we would be coming home without her when we left the house, with Lucas soundly sleeping.

I will always remember the way she was afraid of the dark, and would wait at the top of the stairs every evening until one of the boys would come to bed and she would follow.

She couldn't sleep alone.

I get that now.

She had a security blanket, but eventually tore it to shreds. She had to have something cotton in her mouth, as a pacifier. It was always a sock. The boys have 30 pairs among them of mismatched socks because Dixie had to have a new one every day. If there was no sock available, she would grab your shirt and you would become her human pacifier.

She was the cuddliest, sweetest, most gentle animal ever. She loved to ride in the car with us and one year when the boys and I drove to Riggins Idaho she made the trip so much more fun. We were delivering my Mother's ashes to her resting spot and Dixie helped us enjoy what was a somber trip otherwise.

She was 8 years old. We all loved her, but she really belonged to Christian.

I was wondering aloud why we put ourselves through this pain...
Why love something so fragile, knowing the pain is emenant and unavoidable?

I think it's because we are the gift for them.
We are here to enrich their lives and it is our honor to care for them.

I was crying to God one day, asking why he hadn't given me a more loving, caring Mother.
I heard this in reply:
'I didn't give her to you.
I gave YOU to HER'.

And so it is with our pets. They are not ours-we are theirs.

We wonder if God didn't come and get Dixie to keep Nick company? I like to think he needed someone to retrieve his golf balls in heaven! Only trouble with that is the little scalliwag-would never give back! She was more into 'keep away' than catch.

Our hearts are broken once more because we miss her so much already and a huge hole is left in her absence. To be loved by our dog was a gift from God and in spite of our pain, we are grateful.
Rest in peace Dixie
Take care of Nicky

Thanks to my sweet friend Andrea for the youtube link:
God and Dog: