dark clouds and a small ray of light

Well, I knew it was coming... that wall. Have you ever been frost bitten just a little? That feeling when the blood starts to come back to the appendage and the pain that accompanies that? I would say that describes what I'm feeling this week.
My poor friend Linda! I cry on her shoulder a lot. She's been trying to keep me distracted and from going a bit too far over the edge... What would I do without you Linda?????

Anyway, today I was driving home from Lowe's and I looked up at the sky while waiting for the light to turn. The clouds were dark and stormy looking- but peeking through them was the light of the sun and around that was the beautiful blue sky. I could only see enough blue to know it was there, behind the stormy clouds. I was just gazing up at it when this song by Third Day, came on the radio and it felt like Nick's shooting star.

Like God was letting me know that he has my hand and he has Matthew's hand, and Christian's hand and Lucas' hand and that all of us who feel so alone without Nick, really aren't. It doesn't make the dark clouds go away... but there is that blessed light.

Sundays are hard for me. We had our routine and it was the one day we were always together. I miss Nick and you know-in a weird way, I don't want to ever stop missing him. I want time to stop here so he's not so far away that I can't still smell him on the sweater I sleep with at night.

Friends and family keep asking how we're doing and I don't know what to say, except 'Okay'.

We are doing alright and we'll keep getting better, but just for right now-
in my world at least, the clouds have gathered and their shadows are long.

But there is that light...

For all of us who are missing Nick- There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For me, it's heaven.

Enjoy Third Day- Tunnel