Another marker

One year ago yesterday Nick called me at work, crying.  We had the diagnosis of cancer.  I remember I hugged my friend Bill and cried. Even though Nick and I knew in our hearts already what it was, hearing the words was shocking. I raced home from work. Nick greeted me at the door with his bag packed and we went straight to OHSU. One of many visits over the next few months.  He had surgery the following day and spent 3 days in the hospital, mostly for pain management.  The next night after being home, he had to go to the ER for swollen feet and legs.  He would be plagued with that for 6 months, ever worsening.
I sat with him in the emergency room and he was in severe pain and it was barely controllable.  I was praying for God to help us both.  I didn't feel I would have the strength to watch him suffer and to not be able to help him.  I didn't know if I had the courage to be strong for him.  I prayed-Dear God please help me, I can't do this alone. 
Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, in walked our dear, best friend Thomas.  Bigger than life into the emergency room and he sat with us.  I felt that Thomas was an answer to my prayer from God.  We had many angels over the next 6 months, come into our lives and give us strength and encouragement and kept our spirits lifted. I'm so grateful and can never repay that debt.

I miss most about Nick his calm strength and how he made it seem everything was nothing and all would be well. 

How our lives have changed in one very long, short year.

May God bless you with many years of love in your life- it's the only thing that matters.

Missing Nick

Today is 6 months said since I had to say good bye.
The 16th of every month drops me like a rock

I miss you Nicky and I keep hearing you talk to me in my head
am I going crazy?

I like to think it's because you're still here-
silent as dew
invisible
like the air I breathe
nourishment

all my X's and O's are yours...

Tessa's latest photo

Beautiful disaster

Well, first things first.  Tessa is so cute!  And she is healthy-at least healthier.  She goes back to the vet on 6/21.  She had giardia, coccidia, tape worm and hook worm.  So, she had a rough week-but we finished our meds and she has doubled in size.  She will be 3 months old on June 21.  The house training isn't going so well, but we're working on it. 
I am going to upload my latest photo of her. 
I thought I was getting her for the boys... I thought they needed the life and love that a puppy brings.
I didn't know I would need her so much too.
It's hard to describe the feeling of holding her and she sighs and puts her little chin on my left shoulder-takes another lick of my cheek and goes all soft in my arms.
My broken heart gets a little warmer each time I hold her.

Our cat, Lilly is not sure what to make of her and as of yet, they are not anything close to be being pals, but Tessa keeps trying.  I see Lilly just staring at her, like 'What is WITH you?!"
Then the dog barks and goes completely flat with submission.
So far Lilly is not having any of it.
I think she might be a one dog cat.

So it has been a very busy weekend.  I was lucky enough to get to be in the Starlight Parade, that kicks off the Portland Rose Festival.  I walked along with our Alaska Airlines float.  At first I felt dumb and wanted to hide, but I soon got into the festive atmosphere, the waving people and the ADORABLE children. Oh my gosh, they were so wide eyed and cute and I fell in love with them.  Two little girls each offered me their glow in the dark bracelets.  And tons of kids wanted high fives- you give one and all of a sudden 20 little hands are out there waiting for a slap.  I got completely caught up in the moment and had more fun than I can remember having in a long while.  When I got home I played back the dvr recording so I could catch myself on TV.  My 1.5 second of fame.

Things are starting to come to completion in my kitchen!  I think it is going to be the prettiest kitchen I have ever seen.  Just gorgeous.
Today my friend and amazing builder installed the windows for me.  He did a fantastic job, and it was a little challenging-so I am so happy I had someone I could trust working it out.  I've learned that it's important to have people around you who are honest and that you know have integrity.  I have been really lucky that way, except for the 2 guys that over charged me and did such sloppy work- I actually had to pay to have someone else come re-do what they did.  Other than those two bozos, I have been so fortunate.
I love my electrician, Don.  He comes in and hits the ground running.  He cleans up after himself, he is on time and he actually followed up with me to schedule our finish of electrical.  He is a dream come true.
My hardwood guy is amazing.  He is coming 2 weeks from today to refinish our hardwood floors.
He will be placing the cherry on the sundae.
Next up is dry wall Wednesday and Thursday
The appliances are coming Thursday
The propane tank is being set Friday
Cabinets maybe Friday or Monday?
I will paint over the weekend
Counter tops will be measured after cabinets go in
Chandeliers and pendants will go up last.
I don't know why it has taken so long to get this far, but now that things are happening- it's going fast!

Here are a few pictures of what the kitchen looks like today:

The view from my new and improved HUGE kitchen window...

More later.

XOXO,
k.