I've been told that when you lose a limb-you have phantom feelings. You know, an itch that you can't scratch- or a cramp that you can't rub away. It's like that- losing a brother.

He's gone but I can still feel him. I can still hear his voice in my head- 'MMMMM-Hi sis'. The MMMM was like a low drawn out hum. He always said it the same way. And always with a small smirk on his face.

We lost our Mother, Billie in May of this year. May 7th to be exact. If losing a brother feels like losing a limb- losing your Mother is another sensation all together.

When I stop to fully realize she is gone- the air in my lungs gets really cold- like I swallowed ice crystals, and I swear my heart stops- just for one beat, and then I catch my breath again.

My Mother and my brother are gone- severed from my life- but the phantom feelings don't go away.

I have an itch that I can't scratch-

I have a deep, searing pain that can't be rubbed away.

Parts of me- important parts-have been irrevocably severed.

I miss them.