My latest obsession

Well, I can't remember how I came upon it, but Goodwill has an auction website-very much like Ebay.
I don't have much art work on the walls of our home because good art- (not the mas produced stuff you find at home stores) is so expensive and I don't have much extra $$ in the budget. 
(Who does these days?)

So, I have been checking out art work- specifically paintings and drawings on the Goodwill website.

I really wanted this painting so, so badly.  I love it!  I started bidding at about $8.  It sold for over $400 with shipping.  Too much for me, but I have been pining away ever since.  If I could do it again- I would have splurged- I love it that much.

I did buy a painting:  (below) for the jam room or maybe for Christian's room if he likes it? 

It was only $6.

BUT the shipping cost is $51!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT the heck? Are you kidding me?!

Kimberley: READ the fine print idiot.  Why oh why do I always do that?

I don't think I like it enough to spend $60, but it's coming to our house anyway.

 It reminds me of New Orleans and that has a special place in Christian's heart as he worked there on a mission trip to help re-build after Katrina.

Check out shopgoodwill.com
Maybe you will find something fun there? 
Just review the shipping and handling charges first!

XOXO,
k

PS: Kitchen is still not done- I'll post photos when it is.  I'm waiting for someone to rescue me and finish my windows(they are only temporarily placed), my range hood needs to be installed and my lights need to be hung.  When all is done, I might be able to get propane to my range so we can eat pancakes and grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken fettucine and.... I'm still so hungry! 

Thank You!

Thank you to everyone who posted/emailed support.  I love you guys and we are going to be OK.  It's just really hard to see the light at the end some days.

No more pity parties here- from now on I'm only going to focus on the positive things in our lives.

Numero uno is you.

XOXO,
K.

I need a lifeguard

We were discussing recently how drowning victims aren't always easy to recognize.
They don't thrash about loudly and make a lot of noise or commotion.
You just see their head, barely above water desperately trying to keep their faces above the surface
Until they can't anymore and they slip under.

I haven't written here for awhile

I feel like that drowning victim.
I am so tired and the effort to keep afloat is sometimes too great.

I worry nonstop about everything, everyday is a new hurdle to climb, a decision to make, a bill to pay, an action that needs my reaction. On their own-no big deal-but daily the stress of it mounts and mounts and mounts. All the while, still feeling the loss of Nick.  Missing him and hurting for myself and for our sons. 

They. lost. their. Dad.

Try as I might, I can't take his place.  I can't give them that sense of security back.
We've all had the rug pulled out from under us.

Nick took care of us and we didn't even know how much until we lost him.

So, here I am trying to keep us all from going under.

I pray daily for strength, for wisdom in all the daily decisions that are to be made and for healing of our broken hearts. 

I haven't been a very good friend or sister or employee or anything for a long time.
Please forgive me for that-

I'm just quietly dog paddling under the surface.

Thanks for caring,

Kimberley

daily mantra

each morning i pad into our closet

what to wear?

i see your jackets and suits

i remember each purchase-at birthdays, holidays, shopping just for fun

i bury my head into the lot and hug them to me-tight

i want you back i want you back i want you back...

Another marker

One year ago yesterday Nick called me at work, crying.  We had the diagnosis of cancer.  I remember I hugged my friend Bill and cried. Even though Nick and I knew in our hearts already what it was, hearing the words was shocking. I raced home from work. Nick greeted me at the door with his bag packed and we went straight to OHSU. One of many visits over the next few months.  He had surgery the following day and spent 3 days in the hospital, mostly for pain management.  The next night after being home, he had to go to the ER for swollen feet and legs.  He would be plagued with that for 6 months, ever worsening.
I sat with him in the emergency room and he was in severe pain and it was barely controllable.  I was praying for God to help us both.  I didn't feel I would have the strength to watch him suffer and to not be able to help him.  I didn't know if I had the courage to be strong for him.  I prayed-Dear God please help me, I can't do this alone. 
Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, in walked our dear, best friend Thomas.  Bigger than life into the emergency room and he sat with us.  I felt that Thomas was an answer to my prayer from God.  We had many angels over the next 6 months, come into our lives and give us strength and encouragement and kept our spirits lifted. I'm so grateful and can never repay that debt.

I miss most about Nick his calm strength and how he made it seem everything was nothing and all would be well. 

How our lives have changed in one very long, short year.

May God bless you with many years of love in your life- it's the only thing that matters.

Missing Nick

Today is 6 months said since I had to say good bye.
The 16th of every month drops me like a rock

I miss you Nicky and I keep hearing you talk to me in my head
am I going crazy?

I like to think it's because you're still here-
silent as dew
invisible
like the air I breathe
nourishment

all my X's and O's are yours...

Tessa's latest photo

Beautiful disaster

Well, first things first.  Tessa is so cute!  And she is healthy-at least healthier.  She goes back to the vet on 6/21.  She had giardia, coccidia, tape worm and hook worm.  So, she had a rough week-but we finished our meds and she has doubled in size.  She will be 3 months old on June 21.  The house training isn't going so well, but we're working on it. 
I am going to upload my latest photo of her. 
I thought I was getting her for the boys... I thought they needed the life and love that a puppy brings.
I didn't know I would need her so much too.
It's hard to describe the feeling of holding her and she sighs and puts her little chin on my left shoulder-takes another lick of my cheek and goes all soft in my arms.
My broken heart gets a little warmer each time I hold her.

Our cat, Lilly is not sure what to make of her and as of yet, they are not anything close to be being pals, but Tessa keeps trying.  I see Lilly just staring at her, like 'What is WITH you?!"
Then the dog barks and goes completely flat with submission.
So far Lilly is not having any of it.
I think she might be a one dog cat.

So it has been a very busy weekend.  I was lucky enough to get to be in the Starlight Parade, that kicks off the Portland Rose Festival.  I walked along with our Alaska Airlines float.  At first I felt dumb and wanted to hide, but I soon got into the festive atmosphere, the waving people and the ADORABLE children. Oh my gosh, they were so wide eyed and cute and I fell in love with them.  Two little girls each offered me their glow in the dark bracelets.  And tons of kids wanted high fives- you give one and all of a sudden 20 little hands are out there waiting for a slap.  I got completely caught up in the moment and had more fun than I can remember having in a long while.  When I got home I played back the dvr recording so I could catch myself on TV.  My 1.5 second of fame.

Things are starting to come to completion in my kitchen!  I think it is going to be the prettiest kitchen I have ever seen.  Just gorgeous.
Today my friend and amazing builder installed the windows for me.  He did a fantastic job, and it was a little challenging-so I am so happy I had someone I could trust working it out.  I've learned that it's important to have people around you who are honest and that you know have integrity.  I have been really lucky that way, except for the 2 guys that over charged me and did such sloppy work- I actually had to pay to have someone else come re-do what they did.  Other than those two bozos, I have been so fortunate.
I love my electrician, Don.  He comes in and hits the ground running.  He cleans up after himself, he is on time and he actually followed up with me to schedule our finish of electrical.  He is a dream come true.
My hardwood guy is amazing.  He is coming 2 weeks from today to refinish our hardwood floors.
He will be placing the cherry on the sundae.
Next up is dry wall Wednesday and Thursday
The appliances are coming Thursday
The propane tank is being set Friday
Cabinets maybe Friday or Monday?
I will paint over the weekend
Counter tops will be measured after cabinets go in
Chandeliers and pendants will go up last.
I don't know why it has taken so long to get this far, but now that things are happening- it's going fast!

Here are a few pictures of what the kitchen looks like today:

The view from my new and improved HUGE kitchen window...

More later.

XOXO,
k.

Another bump in the road...

It's just a few pot holes... but when you've been on a bumpy ride too long, sometimes you just want off.

Tuesday was supposed to be an adventure to LA and a seat in the Nokia theater for American Idol final episode with Simon.

However-

The night before Christian tells me that his driving exam for his driving test is tomorrow.
Me: WHAT?????!!!!!!!!!!! NO it isn't Christian, it's Wednesday. 
Christian: Mother, I put it on my phone calendar, it's Tuesday.

It's been a long journey getting to this point with Christian.  His last exam was canceled because the night before the test-Lucas broke off Matthew's side view mirror playing basketball , and you sort of need that for the exam.  I had work commitments, so they couldn't use my van.

I felt like Christian needed me this day and I didn't want to be the cause of him not being able to drive to work this summer.  I also understand how nervous he was and I didn't want anything to add to the stress of the occasion.  Namely trying to find an adult to step in.

American Idol tickets don't come along every day-so, I got up at 4:30 am to leave the house at 5:15 to catch an early flight to LA. 

But- I awoke to a huge mess in my bathroom. (Currently puppy quarters at night)Tessa wasn't doing too well. She had bloody stools, and that worried me.

I had to clean up the messes, shower, gather my things for the day and make Lucas a lunch and walk and feed the dog. 

I was a bit late meeting Linda for our rendezvous spot.  She doesn't own a cell phone, so I couldn't call her to tell her I was running late because my puppy was sick and I couldn't find the new toners to change in the printer, so I could print up proof of insurance for Christian and all of the other things that challenged me this morning.  I think there was tension, and I felt so much stress I felt sick.

I just couldn't leave home, traveling so far away with so much happening at home.

It's hard being the only sheriff in town. I've lost my back up. Nicky I miss you more each day...

Sometime between leaving the outlet mall parking lot in Linda's car and arriving at PDX-we turned the car around and canceled the trip.  There were tears.

My heart was so heavy for disappointing my dear friend.  I was stuck in the proverbial hard spot.
Either way I let someone I care about down. 

But being a mother has always come first, and always will.  I know there are people that don't feel that same strong pull or bond with their children, who encourage independence and wouldn't have worried or cared.  But I have never been that person.  My family is my life, and nothing else matters to me.

I had a full, tiring day.
As it turned out-Lucas was sick again with that weird stomach pain, nausea syndrome.  So he was home from school.
The puppy is still not out of the woods, we're waiting for results back from the vet tests.
I took Christian to DMV only to find out that I WAS RIGHT!  His appt. was scheduled for the following day.  Weirdly though- I like to believe it's a God thing- there was a cancellation for the very time we arrived.  So Christian got his test.

I still have not slept passed 4:30 AM since last Friday.

e x h a u s t e d

So, just a few bumps in the road-but Christian has his license!

Congratulations Christian. 
You had a challenge with your left eye blindness that threw a curve ball into the driving issue, but you faced it and I am proud of you- please drive safe.

I hope and pray our puppy is not sick and that Lucas gets well too.

I hope Linda finds some way to understand that I did not intentionally wait until the last minute to
change plans
and
that life sometimes gets in the way of the best laid plans.

All this and I still don't have a kitchen and my window installer no showed on me.

I can't wait to sleep on Saturday- I hope someone takes puppy duty for me!

Love you!

XOXO,
Kimberley

Tessa's Home

Here she is! 

 We picked her up at 11:30 this morning.  American Airlines did a great job of taking care of her.  I think it's only approriate that she has frequent flier miles already!

She is so sweet and cuddly. We've been taking turns holding her all day and I was quickly reminded how much puppies are like babies-time consuming!

Lucas is working very hard to house train her and it's challenging in the pouring rain.  But the guy was incredible patiently standing outside in the rain with her.  She is going to get along fine here because she didn't seem to mind at all, rolling and playing in the wet grass. 

I'm not sure how smart she is, but hey she doesn't have to be smart- she's blonde and beautiful.

XOXO, k

Arrivals

We are grateful for a few things this week.  First and foremost, our love button Tessa,  is coming Friday sometime. We will pick her up at PDX together.  Lucas is counting the minutes until she arrives.

Another unexpected arrival this week- WINDOWS! 
Oh. My. Gosh. 
I did not think I would ever be excited over windows.  But their early arrival is helping the kitchen process so much!
That means that as soon as it can be scheduled, they can be installed after the electrician moves the wiring and outlets tomorrow night.  That also means that the dry wall can be installed next week early and the walls painted shortly after.  That leaves everything ready for the cabinets.  Which should be done about June 5th.
I need my sink which is still in China being shipped with the range hood.

I chose my counters and I have selected white carrara marble. 

I made a fun visit to Pental  A granite/stone distributor here in the NW. It is a huge warehouse for stone and tile.  I had fun looking at all of the beautiful stone.  And yet, I kept coming back to the marble section.  I have heard the horror stories about how it is too porous and everything stains.  But new sealers are incredible these days.  So... They gave me a sample of honed marble, treated it with a sealer and said-" Try and stain it".  I tried and everything beaded up and wiped off with a towel.  I gave it coffee, salad dressing, mustard, strawberries and blueberries.  Nothing stuck!
So there myth busters!  I have always loved marble and I am so happy. 

After cabinets arrive, we will have floors refinished and base board and light fixtures installed.
I think about 4 weeks from now, I will have a lovely, complete kitchen.

I'm attaching some photos- one of which is my range hood.  It is unfinished, but still so awesome!

We have so much to be thankful for and always it is tempered with our broken hearts over losing Nick.
It would only be better if he were here.

XOXO,
Kimberley

PS: Happy 20th anniversary to my best friends Hudson and Kevin!  I hope you have 100 more!

Happy Mother's Day to me

Meet Tessa.  We bought her today from an online breeder. 

Let's see now, the  East Coast O'Connell's made it three months- it's been exactly two for us between dogs.  We are obviously the weaker of the clan.

No one can ever replace my greatest dog ever-Dixie- but we miss her and we miss having a dog to cuddle with.

I have searched for weeks for another golden. They are really hard to come by around here.  You have to fill out reams of paper work and jump through ridiculous hoops.  Rescue shelters want to be co-owners- so it's sort of an open adoption.  One breeder won't even let you choose your own dog!  Potential buyers come and pow-wow with all of the other people who want a puppy then you all come back another day when the litter of puppies are ready to go home. At that time, the breeder chooses your dog for you. 
That is just stupid. 

So, I had to pay 1,000 times more than my .18 cent raise can afford- but LOOK AT THAT FACE!  I love her!

She's coming to my house next week, and we are excited to meet her and smell her lovely puppy breath.


XOXO,
Kimberley

Let the madness begin...

Well, I can't find the cord to upload photos to my computer or else you would be looking at what used to be my kitchen.  Work began last Thursday.  My awesome brother tore out the cabinets with the help of Christian and his favorite friend Timmo.  There are big holes in the wall board where new windows are going next to the range hood.  The wall between the dining room and kitchen is gone.  A half wall is going in with double sided glass cabinets above.  I am moving the refrigerator to the area that used to be pantry.

It all started with the non functioning appliances.  I always wanted a cabinet front on the dishwasher, (hate stainless and what else is there if not a cabinet front?)
so I couldn't purchase a new dishwasher without new cabinets.
Right?
It makes perfect sense to me.

It has been a very long 2 month process getting to this point, making all the decisions.  But I have had the good fortune of working with Don vonAhlfeld at Hayes Custom cabinets and it's been much easier with his help.  His brother Paul is doing the wall prep, framing, moving of duct work and pipes, etc... and I am so grateful!

The cabinet building begins today!  In the next two weeks I will have floors refinished and I will paint my walls. 

I have ordered a copper range hood and copper farm house sink from China at a smokin' deal. (Thanks again to brother Kenny).

Counter selection was made and then 'un-made' due to extreme budget considerations.
So I have got to get that figured out this week.

My appliances have been ordered and will arrive about the same time as the cabinets.
 

It's all coming together.

Finally. 

I will say it has been an emotional roller coaster.  Well, life in general has been up and down and mostly down, as you know for a year.  I wouldn't have chosen to undertake this project at this time but it's been a good distraction for the most part.  Something to think about when I am awake at 3AM...
Besides the fact that there isn't a dent in the pillow beside me.

Prepping for the kitchen tear down, I cleaned out all of the cabinets and found so many hidden treasures.
In an upper cabinet over the refrigerator I found 2 little avon ceramic jars with lids on them.  Inside one I found the sequins from my hand made bridal veil and the other held shells from the beach in Cabo from my honeymoon.  Well you know that started the water works...

I have been searching for the past few months for a letter from Nick.  I just kept hoping that he left me something... a good bye letter, some instructions, something that said what he wanted me to do with the rest of my life without him in it...
nothing.
But I did come upon a drawer full of cards.
Valentines Day
Anniversary
Birthday
Filled with loving thoughts and caring words
and I realized this was my message from Nick
and it's enough.

He loved me and I will always love him

Matthew and I talked about how weird it is to have the heart of our home look so different.  We have so many memories in that kitchen.

It surprised me how sad I feel about ripping it out.

It's kind of appropriate given our hearts have been done the same.

It's a new era for us, our family and our home...

Sometimes we don't have a choice.

Appliances don't last forever and neither do we....

My 18 cent raise

After being rated a 'superior' performer for the year, my performance based raise was 2%- which after taxes gave me 18 cents more to spend every two weeks.

Any ideas what I should do with all this money??????

a word of advice-do not post unhappy thoughts on Company water cooler after drinking a glass of chardonnay...oops

A Scholarship in Nick's Name!

The boys and I just came back from a wonderful dinner as guests of Pat and Blayne  Rollman of Peninsula Optical.  The occasion was the Spring Convention of the Opticians Association of Washington.
My brother Kenny who is visiting us for awhile was also graciously invited along.  Matthew, Christian and Lucas wore their suits and looked absolutely handsome.  They represented their Dad very well.

After a wonderful dinner, announcements were made and at the conclusion- two of Nick's friends and colleagues read a heart warming tribute to Nick.  I remember hearing 'cheshire cat grin' , wonderful speaker, something about golf (of course) and there were tears shed.  Our family was very moved.  The unexpected honor is a yearly grant to a student of Seattle Community College optician's program in the name of Nicholas O'Connell for his dedication in continuing education in the optical field.
We were proud of Nick before and even more proud now.
It feels so good to know he was loved and respected so much in his field of work.
He really didn't have any idea how many people loved him.
He was humble and would be surprised at this great honor.
Nick's name will live on forever in this grant- that is just so cool.

Happy Birthday...

Nick's birthday.  I can't say much except I am wishing so much that he were here.  I would make him coffee and bring it to bed in the morning with his paper.  I would give him a card and a gift and then we would have a family dinner later and we would eat home made carrot cake that is his mother's recipe. 
Everyone gets that cake for their birthday in our family.
I think I will make it tomorrow anyway.
Just because.
I wish I could say it: Happy Birthday dear husband.
I wish you and Thomas could go golfing on Saturday
and I wish we had a hundred more...
I wish you were here
I have a hundred birthday wishes...

sleeping beauty

Apparently I am not the only one who likes sleeping with Nick's sweaters... I found Lilly curled up in Nick's sweaters today.

Along the lines of 'What am I thinking"???????????????

Okay, well it started in January... My friend Michelle had some work done at her home.  I mentioned that I needed to update a few things in my house too.  You see having wonderful cooks in the O'Connell clan- 2 working burners on a range just don't cut it.  The oven cooks slowly and unevenly due to drooping elements. (uh... I'm talking about an oven here-).  The dishwasher is so loud we have to time it to run at just the right hour after drifting off to sleep or it will WAKE YOU UP!  One floor down even!... and the other little annoyance of the thing where you have to WASH all the dishes BEFORE you actually load them in the dishwasher.  My oversized island is well, over sized and topped with matte grey 6 inch tile.  The counters are formica.  Everything is 21 years old.   Nick and I talked about redoing the kitchen so many times and came very close to doing just that before he got sick
. 
So my friend Michelle gives me the number of her most awesome contractor.  And he is awesome.  When you find a good contractor you must do anything you can to keep him. 
Have you ever done any work around your home that you hired out?
We have and it hasn't been good-ever.  People do really crappy work, charge you lots of money and then run.  My deck needs to be rebuilt because of one such unscrupulous contractor: Craig Lee.  Don't hire that dude.
So now that I have the opportunity to work with someone who has integrity I feel like I have to seize the day.
Even though it's not the easiest time in my life to undertake this sort of stress.  And at moments, very many moments I have thought ' what's the point if Nick isn't here to share it with?  You know? 

Lot's of things in our home have needed attention since the beginning, but we sort of learned to live with quirks. Broken tile, squeeky floors, the front door sticks, the bathroom faucets ae backwards in the master bath tub and my shower door leaks. 

A few things we did right the first time:  A white kitchen with stainless sink and range top.  I loved it 21 years ago and I still do.  A good flow with a basically open floor plan.  Lots of windows and doors to the outside. 
The basic problem is that we were yong when we built this house together and at the end we ran out of money in the budget.  So it was always-'You can upgrade that later'.  Well you could, but you most likely probably won't.  Children and life take priority.  Hence 21 years of ugly.

So, for the past 2 months I have been trying to make decisions and figuring out how much ugly I can trade in at this time in my life.

Finances are scary right now.  Nick was our breadwinner.  I think we might qualify for food stamps on my salary.  None the less, I have a severe mental illness. I am not sure what the name of it is but it has a terrible symptom whereby I think I am a millionairess and should live in a beautiful palace with beautiful furnishings and a lovely white kitchen with cool stone and warm light and a HUGE over sized range hood over my Wolf range with big RED knobs.

So, do I give in and pick out boring affordable finishes and live another 21 years with stuff that feels like hand me downs from grandma or splurge on the one thing I have always wanted for my house: A beautiful kitchen.  But that means not doing things like repairing the deck and replacing the old LP siding...or any number of things that total $127,000 !!!! Yes, that is the figure I was given to transpose the ugly to lovely.
Granted that does include a steam shower. 

Oh heaven you are just a small few decimal points away!

I am going crazy trying to make decisions about the final product and I have driven my best friend Linda crazy with it all.  She is a saint for sure. 

So, I will keep you posted.  A lovely kitchen cabinet fairy godfather from Hayes custom cabinets is coming Friday to measure one last time before he starts building my beautiful kitchen.

I hope Nick would be proud of it.

XOXO,
Kimberley

Scooter Joy

I woke up to a sky of robins egg blue. 

 "That's it, I'm riding the scooter today!" 

The thing is, in winter a cloudless sky means cold temps.  A sunny day in Corbett means wind.  After dressing myself up in several layers I headed out the door.  Only I couldn't find my glasses.  They aren't just any old sun glasses.  The fit my face perfectly and they have these awesome yellow tinted lenses that block ALL glare and sun.  I wear them indoors sometimes because flourescent lights hurt my eyes.  I had a pair of these that Nick received as a sample from a vendor.  They are the most perfect sunglasses I have ever owned. 

I dropped them one day at the airport and someone picked them up within minutes and claimed them for their own. 

Dang. 

 This past summer Nick insisted on stopping by his clients in gresham to buy me another pair.  It was really important to him and it took a lot of effort.  I knew at the time that this was a big moment.  That he wanted to do this for me because- as he said many times last year- he could.  We purchased the $185.00 sunglasses and I felt loved.  So this morning when I couldn't find them anywhere, I panicked. My brother Kenny is here and he saved the day by loaning a pair of tinted safety glasses he owns.  They worked fairly well, but my heart was heavy.  I can't expalin the sentimental value my glasses have for me.  They are a symbol of Nick's love and just how he cared for us in so many quiet ways.  To lose them felt like losing part of Nick. I had to leave for work and couldn't look any further-so off I went in the substitute pair.

I. freaking. love. my. scooter. 

The cool thing about Nick was that he loved it for me.  Every morning he would stand outside the front of the house and watch me ride away.  Smiling, making some comment about his 'hot wife'  : ) 

I would always call Nick when I got to the airport to let him know I arrived safely and I would tell him about my ride- what I saw- how good the river smelled, all of it

. 

Halfway there today I realized, he wasn't there to call.

Today or ever.

I cried most of the way in. 

 I enjoyed the ride on this beautiful morning(Thank you God) but it was bittersweet.  Much like the beautiful blue sky that comes with the price of the very cold air, and the sunny day, tempered by the east wind.  Beauty and sadness filled my heart on this day.

I got home, parked it in the garage, hopeful that many more scooter days are in store this summer.   Tonight I said 'Nick, if you can hear me up there, tell me where those glasses are'.  I found them.

My beauty.  Thank you dear husband.

farewell to our golden Dixie

We had to say goodbye to our beloved golden retriever Dixie, this morning at 3:30 AM

She became suddenly ill and we took her at midnite to Dove Lewis Emergency Animal Hospital. They discovered she had cancer, and the tumor was bleeding out into her abdomen. We were shocked as we thought it was nothing more than bad indigestion, because Dixie- like most golden retrievers- liked to eat horrible, nasty, unmentionable things that made her ill.

We never imagined we would be coming home without her when we left the house, with Lucas soundly sleeping.

I will always remember the way she was afraid of the dark, and would wait at the top of the stairs every evening until one of the boys would come to bed and she would follow.

She couldn't sleep alone.

I get that now.

She had a security blanket, but eventually tore it to shreds. She had to have something cotton in her mouth, as a pacifier. It was always a sock. The boys have 30 pairs among them of mismatched socks because Dixie had to have a new one every day. If there was no sock available, she would grab your shirt and you would become her human pacifier.

She was the cuddliest, sweetest, most gentle animal ever. She loved to ride in the car with us and one year when the boys and I drove to Riggins Idaho she made the trip so much more fun. We were delivering my Mother's ashes to her resting spot and Dixie helped us enjoy what was a somber trip otherwise.

She was 8 years old. We all loved her, but she really belonged to Christian.

I was wondering aloud why we put ourselves through this pain...
Why love something so fragile, knowing the pain is emenant and unavoidable?

I think it's because we are the gift for them.
We are here to enrich their lives and it is our honor to care for them.

I was crying to God one day, asking why he hadn't given me a more loving, caring Mother.
I heard this in reply:
'I didn't give her to you.
I gave YOU to HER'.

And so it is with our pets. They are not ours-we are theirs.

We wonder if God didn't come and get Dixie to keep Nick company? I like to think he needed someone to retrieve his golf balls in heaven! Only trouble with that is the little scalliwag-would never give back! She was more into 'keep away' than catch.

Our hearts are broken once more because we miss her so much already and a huge hole is left in her absence. To be loved by our dog was a gift from God and in spite of our pain, we are grateful.
Rest in peace Dixie
Take care of Nicky

Thanks to my sweet friend Andrea for the youtube link:
God and Dog: